grandmas say the darndest things...

"So your Mom says you're going to El Salvador."

"That's right, Grandma."

"So does that mean you've given up on marriage and are dedicating your life to God?"

Oh, Grandma...

the countdown begins...

There are 20 days until Adam and I board a plane for El Salvador. That's less than 3 weeks!

Now my countdown actually began a month before our departure - Friday, May 13, 2011 - but that was the start of our family vacation and I tried to avoid the Internet while we were exploring the tourist trap of Gatlinburg, Tennessee (a town that Bill Bryson in his witty and entertaining travelogue The Lost Continent: Travels in Small-Town America - a book I highly recommend - affectionately calls "a community that...dedicated itself to the endless quest of trying to redefine the lower limits of bad taste...the world capital of tat") and the appropriately juxtaposed leafy woods and rolling mountains of the Great Smoky Mountains National Park. But I digress...

Along with the countdown comes a long and varied "To Do" list, which, unfortunately, won't all be accomplished. This list also, unfortunately, includes several bullet points that necessitate buying items/spending money, which I am loath to do, but which proves to be a necessary evil.

CHECKLIST (in no particular order)

1. Buy a plane ticket. CHECK. Completed April 9, 2011. Leaving Monday, June 13, 2011; returning Wednesday, December 7, 2011.

2. Finish work at OWU. CHECK. Completed Friday, May 27, 2011.

3. Buy emergency/missionary medical insurance. CHECK. Completed Tuesday, May 17, 2011.

4. Don't get sick/injured during the 12 days I don't have health insurance. Update 5/25/11: I now have health insurance from OWU through June 30th - yay!

5. Buy a journal. (Even though I am blogging, I still like to keep a paper journal that's just for me.)

6. Workout/run. IN PROGRESS. Although not as often as I'd like.

7. Buy a swimsuit. My swimsuit is about six years old, and I am no longer comfortable in a bikini. I need a tankini or a one-piece suit, both of which would be more appropriate for the Children's Home anyway.

8. Figure out what type of workout/exercise regimen I can do/will do in El Salvador.

9. Hold a fundraising dinner at St. Mary's. Update: Unfortunately, I started this project too late and this will, most likely, be one of the uncompleted items on this list.

10. Pray. IN PROGRESS.

11. Move out of my apartment and into my parents' house. IN PROGRESS. I currently have items packed up and stored at four different locations. Moving is a slow and painful process that deserves to have an entire blog post all to itself.

12. Buy a Spanish bible. CHECK. Bought from on Amazon.com, Wednesday, June 8, 2011.

13. Spend time with friends and family in the Delaware/Columbus area. CHECK.

14. Watch The Human Experience. CHECK. Completed Sunday, May 15, 2011. (I HIGHLY recommend this documentary film: two brothers travel the world to better understand life, in general, and in particular, from the perspectives of the homeless of New York, disabled children of Peru, and lepers in Ghana.)

15. Visit (and frolic at) the Columbus Zoo.

16. Buy a new camera. The processing chip in my Nikon COOLPIX died and it costs about the same amount to fix it, as it does to buy a new camera. If anyone has any suggestions for an easy to use, high-quality, point-and-shoot, digital camera, please let me know!  CHECK. Bought a Canon Powershot ELPH 100 HS, Thursday, June 2, 2011.

17. Spend time with friends and family in the Canton area. CHECK.

18. Get a haircut (even though JGB says I get a haircut more often than anyone else she knows...I like it shorter and don't plan on getting a haircut during the six months I am in El Salvador).

19. Pack for a six-month stay. How much can I shove into two suitcases and a carry-on?

20. Pray, pray, and pray some more.

adam

A week after I told my parents about my decision to go to El Salvador, they called me and said, "We're sending your brother with you." And just like it was when "God said, 'Let there be light' and there was light" (Genesis 1:3), my parents spoke, and Adam, my 20-year-old brother (minor aside/freak out moment: My baby brother is twenty!?!?!? When did this happen? Man, I am old!), is coming with me to El Salvador (for the first month).

Adam and me, Christmas 2010

Now, I realize this phrasing implies Adam had no choice in the matter, and also perhaps implies I don't want him to come, neither of which are true. I was just trying to be humorous. The truth is, I am excited, exuberant, ecstatic to share this experience with Adam. Selfishly, I know he will provide immense support and comfort to me as I transition into my six-month stay. Unselfishly, it is an amazing opportunity for him; it will be his first trip outside the U.S., unless you count our trip to the Canadian side of Niagara Falls when he was about five. I am sure God will use this time to teach him and help him grow in ways we can't anticipate.

I'd like to give a special shout out and ginormous (it's a word!) THANK YOU to my parents, who have always told my brothers and me to "do what makes you happy", and without whose love and support we wouldn't have the courage, independence or faith to complete such a journey. I love you, Mom and Dad.

a reason, a season, a lifetime

It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant.

Packing/moving can be a stressful and frustrating task. Where and when did I accumulate all this stuff? It looks like I am going to need many more Rubbermaid bins and boxes than I anticipated...

Packing can, however, also be fun because you often find hidden treasures - things you thought you'd lost, things you forgot you had, things you knew you had, but hadn't used or looked at them in a long time.

My high school yearbooks are an example this last category. I can't remember the last time I looked at the photos or read the well wishes in my high school yearbooks, but after JVB and MDB came over to help me pack, found my yearbooks, looked through them, and teased me about my high school hairstyle (think thick bangs), I decided to sit down and let nostalgia take over for a while.

What I discovered was that I had some great friends in high school. I read about inside jokes and adventures that I had long forgotten, and heartfelt expressions of love and friendship for me. I cried several times while reading how much I and my friendship meant to my high school friends.

After I finished reading, I thought about how sad it was that I am no longer friends with the majority of these people. Distance, time, and changes pulled us apart. How could I have been so close to these wonderful people and just let our relationships slip away?

Then this morning I remembered the saying that "God brings people into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime", and realized how true this is. I can't changed what happened to cause the erosion of those friendships, but I can look back and be grateful for those high school friends who were with me for that season. I loved them, learned from them, laughed with them; they helped shape my high school experience, which helped shape the person I am today.

As I enter a time of transition and move into another new phase of my life, I want to take the time to thank you (yes, you) for being a part of my life. Whether it be for a reason, a season, or a lifetime, I appreciate your friendship , support and time we've spent together - the good, bad and the ugly. Remember that I love you now, and if we end up apart in the future, I'll love you still. I will look back on our friendship today and know that God brought us together for a purpose, that His purpose is good, and that it is always meant to help us learn, grow, and become more fully the people that He created us to be. This song is dedicated to you.

FOR GOOD
from Wicked

I've heard it said
That people come into our lives for a reason
Bringing something we must learn
And we are led
To those who help us most to grow
If we let them
And we help them in return
Well, I don't know if I believe that's true
But I know I'm who I am today
Because I knew you...

Like a comet pulled from orbit
As it passes a sun
Like a stream that meets a boulder
Halfway through the wood
Who can say if I've been changed for the better?
But because I knew you
I have been changed for good

It well may be
That we will never meet again
In this lifetime
So let me say before we part
So much of me
Is made of what I learned from you
You'll be with me
Like a handprint on my heart
And now whatever way our stories end
I know you have re-written mine
By being my friend

Like a ship blown from its mooring
By a wind off the sea
Like a seed dropped by a skybird
In a distant wood
Who can say if I've been changed for the better?
But because I knew you
I have been changed for good

And just to clear the air
I ask forgiveness
For the things I've done you blame me for
But then, I guess we know
There's blame to share
And none of it seems to matter anymore

Who can say if I've been
Changed for the better?
I do believe I have been
Changed for the better

And because I knew you
I have been changed for good.

falling...

Did you ever go to 6th grade camp, or summer camp, or leadership camp, and do trust falls? Come to think of it, they also did these in Mean Girls. You know - the activity where you stand on a table, platform, tall stump or something similar, and then fall back into the waiting arms of 6-10 people, whom you usually don't know very well, with the hope that they will catch you and not let you hit the ground like a ton of bricks, which would result in an injured spine, head or similarly important body part. I can't say I was the biggest fan of trust falls, and I definitely wasn't the first one to volunteer as the faller. It took me a while to build up the courage to climb up on the table and become completely vulnerable to a group of people I barely knew.

I feel the same way about blogging as I did trust falls - nervous. Blogging is very public self-expression and I am, by nature, a very private person. I don't usually reveal my inner-most thoughts to anyone, let alone the world. I know I can choose what I post, and I don't have to reveal anything I don't want to, but since I am writing about a being a missionary in a foreign country, there is no question that it's going to get personal.

Adapting to another culture, another language, another way of life, brings struggles. Struggles are personal. Working with an organization that solely survives on the financial generosity of its sponsors brings frustrations. Frustrations are personal. Learning to rely on God to surmount these challenges takes great faith. Faith is personal. So, as you can see, it seems I have no choice in the matter. In order to truly engage in this experience and share it with others, I must be vulnerable, bear my soul, my struggles, my frustrations, my hopes and joys, and trust that you, my readers, won't judge, criticize or let me hit the ground.