saying goodbye

"Some people come into our lives and quickly go. Some stay for a while, leave footprints on our hearts, and we are never, ever the same." ~Flavia Weedn

I can hardly believe I've been here a year.

As I prepare to leave, I'm struggling to express how I feel and to how to say good-bye. Because I am who I am, I also feel the urge to describe, define, summarize this past year. Gradually, I am realizing that not only is this a nearly impossible task, but this is one of those experiences best left to itself - untouched, unbroken, undiluted by describing, summarizing,or making it fit into a neat little box. Neat little boxes are meant to be stored away, only to be discovered one, two, or many years later, the contents long since forgotten. What I've experience and learned here is meant to be relived, cherished and used every day for the rest of my life.

"Don't cry because it's over. Smile because it happened." ~ Dr. Seuss

I realize I've provided glimpses into my life here in great sweeping descriptions - exciting new experiences (surfing, volcano-climbing, trips to Honduras and Guatemala), not-so-great experiences, large group activities (costume contest, chicken wedding, holidays, Ninja Night, the Quince, Minute to Win It) - but have hardly touched on what truly makes an experience (and a life) - the details. About the kids, their lives, their likes, their dislikes, their distinct and radiant personalities. The tiny, but significant interactions with each child that make me love them and make our relationship unique. Like Irene alone in her room, dancing in front of the mirror, singing High School Musical at the top of her lungs. Or Daniela nicknaming me "chicote" (beetle) because one time I freaked out when she told me I had a beetle in my hair and my retaliation "Pie Grande (Bigfoot)" because that girl has some large feet. Or Kevin creeping up behind me, poking me in my sides to scare and tickle me at that same time. Or Toño's innate ability to learn and sing songs in English and Spanish. Or Linda always beating the pants off me in Dutch Blitz (grrr). Or Cheo's high-pitched, 3-year old Spanish, using l's in place of r's when he speaks. Or Ezekiel always greeting me with, "Hi A-man-da!" not just once, but every time he sees me that day. Or the twins crying whenever they have to get their haircuts. Or how Brenda is, well, a fickle teenager, and even though she chooses to ignore me for long periods of time, or uses anger to mask sadness, I love her just the same. Or Jefferson's many hugs, Vanessa's mischievous grin, Chamba's wet kisses, Osiel's funny statements, Michi's determination, Shelby's sense of humor...the list goes on and on.

"There are no good-byes, where ever you'll be, you'll be in my heart." ~ Ghandi

To be honest, it scares me to love, deeply care for, and be so connected to this place and these children, knowing I'll always be concerned about their well-being, about funding, their future, and wondering when I'll see them again. But although my heart is grieving this departure and change, it's because of this connection that I know it's not "good-bye", but "I'll see you soon".